Misery Loves Company
by A.L.R.iter
Summary: Lucifer battles his way up the stairs to heaven to ask a question of his Father, God. The answer leaves them both in tears, but perhaps their own personal crosses to bear are more similar than Lucifer thought.


Lucifer followed God, as far as the guards of heaven would let him, stopping only when he found the searing pain of holy power warning him to go back to be too strong. He was stubborn, and he felt he was right. And he was dogged. He probably should have left but it wasn't in his character. He needed to know... "Why?! Just tell me why, and none of this 'it's for the greater good shit.' Or 'you won't understand.' You're the most powerful being in existence so _make_ me understand. I'm tired of being your prodigal son!"

God heard his son, and turned around, shrouded in the human form he created for himself. "The problem is less in that I could make you understand and don't, and more that it will not make a difference. You don't want to know why, you just want an answer so you can continue on, blaming everyone except yourself, and I will have none of it, Lucifer! You do not trust me, so you do not deserve the answer. We all have our crosses to bear, I can handle you hating me, I've done it long enough. Lucifer, I not only cannot tell you, but I should not. You knowing would not HELP. It would cause more harm than good. And if trusting me is no longer within your heart, then just leave. Because I have nothing more I can offer to you as closure on the matter." God said from a distance and then used his power to force Lucifer back, sending him to earth. Chuck was done putting him in the cage, but, he couldn't have him wandering around poking holes in his hard work. His kids may see him as a horrible father, and one who abandoned them, but he has always been there, working from the shadows, doing a job that no one else CAN do. Nor have the stomach to do so.

Lucifer called out from earth, feeling small and weak, helpless even. "I don't want to blame anyone..." he growled at the gravelly river bank he'd been forced down next to. "I just want to know why... why me? Why make me like this? Why do I have to carry sin...?" He meant it too, hands clenching at the earthy banks, scratching into its soil; cold and moist. So many times he'd gone back and forth. His mind wondering what he wanted. Would it be better to be numb and blindly follow his father's orders, or to be rejected, but have his free will, a sense of consciousness? In this moment, he might have begged for death. He stood, bloody tears trailing down his cheeks.

His son thrown back to earth, God took a moment to soak in the silence, the loss. He wanted to answer his son, but did not know how... How do you tell your son why it had to be him? It was simply too large a question to answer simply... but he tried.

"Because, Lucifer... It's not just about _you_. It's about _everyone_." God said looking down on his son from heaven, speaking softly, sad, and slowly. "Ask yourself son, if not you; who is strong, and able; then who? Who else could bear this cross as well as you have? I know more than anyone that you could do it because of what I do every day. I hold the weight of all creation on my shoulders. I not only hold in my hand the lives of humans, but of YOU, and the demons, and the other angels, and every star and planet in every reality!" He let out an exasperated sigh. "Do you see? Son, do you see?! It had to be you because you are STRONG. You had the conscience strong enough to handle this, and granted you barely hang on, but I DO see your pain, your suffering… But it's because of you that I can continue on, that I find the strength to carry on, because... sure, starting over would be easy for me, but I do not want that for my creations. I want to give them a chance. I believe in you, and all of them! I see the good, DESPITE the evil. And I think just as you want to know 'why', so does everyone else. They all are searching for meaning in life. I don't want to wipe the slate clean and deprive them of that! I want them to learn and grow, and perhaps overcome their flaws. There is such beauty in the struggle for survival and understanding. And son, it also makes me feel less alone, because despite what you think, I am tired, and sad, and sometimes frustrated and angry too. But, love, and acceptance and greater purpose fulfils us, it fulfils me. And the only way I know how to do that, is to continue my work. I have to continue being God, to let my creations live. You are STRONG, son. That's why it had to be you."

Lucifer said nothing, his heart aching. He didn't fully understand, and he knew he would never fully understand. But as much as he wanted to tell his father he loved him, and wanted to make him happy, he couldn't say he accepted his will. He just wasn't capable of such instinctual obedience. He wasn't like the other angelic children. He couldn't go peacefully to his fate like the others. He struggled and kicked and clawed and bit. So it hurt to know that there would be no end to this pain, no changing his place in the destiny God had created for him. He would be the shamed adversary forever, the outsider… But he also knew that his Father was right; there was no other way. And though it tasted bad in his mouth he muttered the words 'Thank you.' After all, he asked for an answer, and and answer he received, which was more than he had gotten since his fall. So, with great sadness, he turned to leave to his rightful place in Hell.

With his son out of sight, cut off from his grace in Hell, God simply hung his head into his hands, his shoulders beginning to twitch as a slow silent sob began. It rolled forth from the centre of his very being, deep, and sad, and lonely. God wept. He wept, and wept. He was bottomless, in every way, and mostly in sadness. He wept for his son, he wept for the fate his son held on his shoulders, just as heavy as God's own fate. He has his own burden, just as his son has his... They both had their own crosses to bear. But there was no changing it. God slowly became silent, gathering himself, and raised his head, wiping his hands down his face, wiping away ancient tears. He had to carry on, for the sake of his wayward son…

Fin.


End file.
